"Hey... thanks for scheduling this appointment on a Sunday... I know it's your day off."
LaBELLO:
"No worries... this'll just take a few hours and then I can get back to family time."
CLIENT:
"Yeah... if I coulda come any other time, I woulda... but I gotta admit... I'm lovin' that I have an excuse to skip Church today!"
LaBELLO:
"I'm tattooing a Bible verse on you, and you WANT to skip Church?"
CLIENT:
"Yeah... just a buncha hooey, y'know? I mean, I believe in God... obviously... and creationism, intelligent design and all that..."
LaBELLO:
"Oh?"
CLIENT:
"Yeah... that Evolution stuff is bull$#!&."
LaBELLO:
"Bull$#!&?"
CLIENT:
"Yeah... I don't believe in that at all."
LaBELLO:
"Huh? Even the Pope recognizes Evolution as fact."
CLIENT:
"Wha!? NO HE DOESN'T! There's no way!!!"
LaBELLO:
"Yep... look it up."
CLIENT:
"There is only ONE God who MADE the HEAVEN and EARTH... he knows ALL, sees ALL, created ALL..."
LaBELLO:
"Well, Jeeee-zuuuuus... don't get your panties in a wad..."
CLIENT:
"Sorry... I just feel really strongly about my faith, y'know?"
LaBELLO:
"But... not strong enough to go to Church today?"
CLIENT:
". . ."
LaBELLO:
". . ."
CLIENT:
"It's just boring, y'know?"
LaBELLO:
"I thought God was a jealous God? Doesn't he WANT you to go to Church? Give money, and all that?"
CLIENT:
"Well... I mean, yeah, but..."
LaBELLO:
"So you're like, defying God right now..."
CLIENT:
"I wouldn't say def..."
LaBELLO:
"You are SPITTING in the face of YOUR creator RIGHT NOW... right?"
CLIENT:
"Well, no, I mean..."
LaBELLO:
"You're like... a tool of the Devil, or something."
CLIENT:
". . ."
LaBELLO:
". . ."
CLIENT:
"That's not funny."
LaBELLO:
"It's kinda funny."
CLIENT:
"I..."
LaBELLO:
"... yes?"
CLIENT:
". . ."
LaBELLO:
". . ."
CLIENT:
"FREE WILL!"
LaBELLO:
"Wha!?"
CLIENT:
"We have FREE WILL! He gave us free will so we can make our own mistakes and learn from them!"
LaBELLO:
"But... I thought you said God knows ALL and made ALL???"
CLIENT:
"He DID! He is everywhere at once and knows everything and what will be... he is the great architect and made everything the way he wants it to be!"
LaBELLO:
". . ."
CLIENT:
"OW!!! WHY'D YOU DO THAT!?!?"
LaBELLO:
"Do what?"
CLIENT:
"What do you mean, 'WHAT'!? You just PUNCHED me in the shoulder!!! My whole damned arm is numb now!"
LaBELLO:
"Oh... that."
CLIENT:
"Yeah, THAT! Why'd you do that???"
LaBELLO:
"I didn't. God did."
CLIENT:
"WHA!? I just watched you do it!"
LaBELLO:
"Yes, but you said God knows all... so HE must have known I was going to do it... and approved. And you said God MADE all... so HE must have planned for me to do it... so... I don't know why you're yelling at me. Go yell at God... in Church... next Sunday."
CLIENT:
". . ."
LaBELLO:
". . ."
CLIENT:
"There's somethin' wrong with you."
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